My Eulogy Honoring My Father

My brothers and I were given the opportunity to speak at my father’s funeral, if we wanted. No one wanted to except me.

As the time for the service drew closer, I refused to go into “that room” off to the side where the family sits during the service. I don’t know why, but every time I tried to enter it took my breath. I didn’t want this to be over. I didn’t want to sit in there. I didn’t want to do anything but sit by myself and try to sort things out.

Finally, the service director forced me to go in there. I had to sit on the front row with my brothers and my mother. I prayed for strength during the first song because when the song ended, I was supposed to go up to the podium and say what I wanted to say. I didn’t know what I wanted to say other than read this poem I had found several years ago.

The song ended, the pastor looked my way, and time stopped. I looked out to an over flowing congregation, and let it go………

“You know. It’s funny what you remember at a time like this. I remember when I was in the fourth grade playing pee-wee football. I remember losing our first game to Bonifay, Florida. I remember crying hard because we lost. And I remember my daddy telling me that if I ever cried again because I had lost, I wouldn’t be able to play. Well………………I hope he doesn’t mind my crying a little over losing him.”

I started to read and didn’t make it through the first line before I had to pause and hold back tears. “this isn’t happening.” I thought.

“After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats With your head held high and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. You learn to build your roads
On today because tomorrow's ground Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
A way of falling down in midflight. After a while you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting For someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you can really endure, That you really are strong
And you really do have worth And you learn and learn ... and you learn
With every goodbye………… you learn."


I folded the paper and put it away in my jacket pocket and looked down, trying to find words while fighting back tears.

“With my father’s passing, I have learned that death doesn’t care. It knows no boundaries and doesn’t discriminate. Maybe we can all learn a lesson from death.

“I have learned that my father had recently felt at peace with both himself and with God over how he raised us boys. But if you know us, we didn’t turn out that bad.

“But if I had to choose just one thing that I have learned from my father’s passing it is this. Whatever inadequacies he felt he may have had as a father, he more than made up for them as a grandfather. My father may be dead, but his loving, caring and kind soul still lives in the hearts of his sons and in the sparkle of his grandchildren’s eyes.”

“He was my hero.” I said while crying. “and I will miss him.”

And with that, with that long, silent, gut wrenching walk back to my seat, my goodbye had been said.